Part 3: Internal Struggle, Chemo Complications & Current Treatment

I couldn’t help but notice the number of stones, crystals and geometric figures Dr. Fahmy had in his office. I knew they had something to do with energy but I didn’t bother ask.

He looked nothing like I had imagined. He was a short man in his late 50’s (or so I thought); he had dark skin and was dressed in casual clothes.

He introduced us to his assistant, who also attended the meeting. She was a woman probably in her late 40’s or early 50’s. She had very fair skin that radiated with light. Just by looking at her, I could tell how much at peace she was with herself. She was vibrant and beautiful. I admired her from the moment I saw her, even though she was quiet all the time. She was more of an observer during this meeting.

For the first few minutes, there was a moment of silence. I was expecting him to initiate conversation, and I’m assuming he was expecting me to do the same, but I didn’t. My mother realized how awkward it was, so she started speaking. He then looked at me, though directing his words to my mother, saying that he wanted to hear the story from my point of view. I didn’t understand why it mattered. There was only 1 story to tell, the same story!

I didn’t have the energy to speak, so I went over everything very briefly disregarding the emotional side of my experience. He had a subtle smile throughout the conversation, which gave me a weird feeling. I didn’t know why he had it or what it meant. It was more like an “I told you so” smile or the smile someone gave you when they knew what you were going to say next. I couldn’t understand. All I knew was that there was something strange about this man, be it good or bad. I didn’t know yet.

Even though we stayed at his office for a very long time, I completely blocked out very important parts of the conversation.

He totally lost me when he very bluntly and in confidence said that if I solely relied on orthodox treatment, I would most likely have a recurrence within a couple of years. He could tell by the look on my face that I didn’t like the sound of what he was saying.

I told him that I knew people who have been cured and haven’t had any recurrences so far, but then again, my argument was based on the limited number of people I’ve heard of and at the same time, disregarding the other number whom I know have had recurrences.

I knew he had no intention to bring me down because he was offering to provide a solution.

He even asked me to look at recurrence statistics in order to see for myself. Even though I could have, I refused. I didn’t want anything or anyone to bash my comfort zone.

I must admit I was very rude and snappy. Anyone could tell how skeptical I was. I knew I was being childish but I couldn’t help it. I could tell how embarrassed my mother was by my attitude.

A fruitful conversation would require a healthy argument on both sides, or at least an open mind to try and understand what one has to say. I didn’t want to argue. I had nothing to argue with. I didn’t even want to understand, but something inside me kept telling me that there was truth in what he said.

At that stage, I had no intention to stop chemo; the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I had no information about all the chemotherapy risks and side effects. I hadn’t done any research about cancer and the different treatment options. I trusted my oncologist, and ignored everyone else.

At first, I thought Dr. Fahmy was a Reiki master, but then I realized that the amount and quality of knowledge and information he had about cancer required a person to have some sort of medical background. I was fascinated.

I asked him about the type of treatment he used, and I asked if it had anything to do with Reiki. He said that Reiki was only a small part of what he does. He explained that over the past 30 years, he has been researching and incorporating different healing methods which promote the curing process of a person. Of course, it was too much for me, or anyone to grasp. I wasn’t sure what he meant but I let him continue. He said that rather than following one treatment technique or protocol, he found it more effective to integrate different techniques, which have been proved to work effectively together. This was all under the umbrella of ‘holistic’ healing or therapy.

Rather than merely dealing with the physical symptoms of a disease, holistic treatment acknowledges the significant effect of our mental and spiritual state on our body. It’s based on the idea that any physical symptom of a disease is nothing but a sign of imbalance in our system (Mind, body & soul). This brings us to saying that the formation of a physical symptom is the final stage in the formation of a disease.

It all started making sense. This specifically explains why we have very high recurrence rates in the world of cancer. The way orthodox medicine deals with cancer is by suppressing the tumor through chemo or removing it with surgery (the physical symptom) and disregarding the disease itself.

The disease in this case would be the holistic factors which have triggered the formation of a tumor. These factors need to be reversed in order for a person to be cured (in the true sense of the word).

The word ‘cured’ for cancer patients by medical definition means that a patient is free of disease for the next 5 years at most, which contradicts the actual meaning of the word. An extra ‘cancer-free’ day after the 5 years would make a patient ‘statistically cured’, which explains why statistics could be misleading. Survival statistics disregard the relapse or death of a patient after 5 years of survival.

When I asked my oncologist about the cause of my tumor, he said he had no clue. He gave me a list of random possible causes that were completely irrelevant to my situation.

He asked me not question God’s will, but that wasn’t where I was heading.

I wanted to know what I did wrong to get such a disease. Some doctors told me that the cause could have been ‘emotional trauma’, which proves that they acknowledge the effect of our psychological state on our body.

If the doctors cannot find the true cause of cancer, how can they cure it? Sure, they can suppress it by chopping off body parts and poisoning people, but what do patients get in return? A 5 year guarantee before a possible recurrence?

If we’ve already established the fact that the physical symptom of a disease is the final stage of its formation, then dealing with its root cause would reverse it and make it disappear.

Another very important point in this theory is that treatment must be personalized based on every person’s case and the separate characteristics of his/her body.

We hear about people who shared the same disease and received the same treatment but then each one of them had a different reaction. This also explains why sometimes a certain vitamin/painkiller/antibiotic would really work for one person, but would be of absolutely no benefit to another.

Of course, there are general guidelines for treating diseases but there is no unified treatment.

At the time of that first meeting with Dr. Fahmy, I was completely oblivious of the above information. All I understood was that he used energy healing in its different forms along with nutrition.

I asked him to give me an idea about the type of treatment I would be required to follow. This was where it all started!

He threw a HUGE list of do’s and dont’s! Below is everything as far as I remember:

–       He told me that the only fabrics I was allowed to wear were cotton and linen since other types are chemically treated and the toxins eventually make their way through our body.

–       He told me that I should only see positive friends and cut out all the negative people from my life in order to avoid any negative frequencies or vibes which could affect my health.

–       Wearing a lot of the color white was highly recommended. Black was a big no.

–       He told me that I should stop going to parties and avoid loud music, which is also believed to weaken the body’s energy level and therefore affect my health.

–       I wasn’t allowed any sugar, caffeine or protein. I had to become vegetarian.

–       I was only allowed to eat alkaline forming foods, which meant that tomatoes and oranges were a big no.

–       I wasn’t allowed white wheat or dairy (except for cottage cheese).

The list goes on forever, really. The whole idea behind his way of treatment was to turn my body alkaline in order to fight off the disease. He said that cancer lives in a highly acidic and deoxygenated environment; one way to cure it would be to increase the alkalinity level of the blood and oxygenate it through food and breathing exercises.

Along with this nutritional system, he told me that I had to see him around 4 or 5 times a week for energy sessions. I didn’t bother ask what these sessions were like or for.

He said that I had to follow this system until I am cured and then he would teach me how to do my own ‘maintenance’ in order to avoid any future imbalance. I didn’t even understand what that meant.

It was all still too much too grasp. The list made me furious, and all I could think of, was the party I was going to that night, and the dress I was going to buy for my best friend’s wedding after that meeting. I kept thinking about the number of things I had to let go of in order to heal his way.

Again, he could tell that I wasn’t happy even though everything he said made sense (excluding minor things I wasn’t convinced with at the time).

He recommended an energy session on the same day. It was meant to prepare me for my next chemo session and help reduce the side effects, but I refused.

I told him I that had other plans and that I wasn’t free. He gave me that smile again. This time it felt like he read my mind and I believe he did. In my head, I thought of myself as a very shallow person who was too preoccupied with all the trivial components of my life, even when it came to caring about my own wellbeing. I needed to love myself.

I realized that even more when chemotherapy suddenly felt like a piece of cake comparing to the natural, painless, healthy protocol I had to follow.

My mother looked at me in disappointment.

Before she or even I even spoke, he looked at her and asked her to not interfere. He told her that I was still unprepared and that forcing me into this would be useless. The will had to be mine and not hers.

He then looked at me told me that I needed to set my priorities straight, and that at this critical time, my health had to be my number one priority.

I had nothing to say in return. I told him I would get back to him soon and let him know whether I would like to proceed with treatment or not. I was very condescending and rude. He still had a smile on his face.

I kept fidgeting on the chair until we left the office, I told my mom that I didn’t want to see him ever again and that I hated him. I was raging with fury! I kept trying to understand why I felt this way but I really couldn’t. He was a nice man, very helpful and insightful, and very kind, but I hated him.

She didn’t say much. She was very sad and upset that I felt this way and especially that she couldn’t understand the reason behind it. Throughout the entire way back, we both kept silent, and I felt guilty for having been such a prick to an honest, kind man. I knew he didn’t deserve it.

When we got home, I spoke to her about it and told her that I wasn’t comfortable with this type of treatment and that it would depress me. Again, I was too hung up on all the trivial things in my life. She could tell. She asked me to try out a couple of sessions, no strings attached, and then walk out if I still felt uncomfortable. I told her I would think about it.

I knew that I had to find closure. What if he was right? What if it recurs in a couple of years? This wasn’t the type of situation where an “I told you so” would be acceptable.

That night, I went out partying just as my friends and I had planned. I told them about my meeting with Dr. Fahmy and they thought I was being silly about the reason I didn’t want to see him.

Blurting out the reason made it sound very silly, but no one understood how I felt.

I woke up the next day feeling a little more peaceful. I called Amani, my uncle’s wife, who’s one of the closest people to me and told her about my experience with him. She gave me the same advice my mother had given me and told me that I had nothing to lose. It was worth a shot.

Accordingly, I called him and told him that I was ready to start treatment. Everyone was happy with my decision including Dr. Fahmy. He was very enthusiastic on the phone and immediately scheduled an appointment for the next day.

I went to meet him again the next day as scheduled. We had a bit of a pleasant chat before we started the session. Dr. Manal, his assistant, attended the session this time as well. I didn’t know who she was and what she did. All I knew was that she was his assistant.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was a little anxious.

Dr. Fahmy and Dr. Manal asked me to lie down facing the ceiling on a table set up with sheets and a pillow. He explained that he was going to do LymphDrainageTherapy first, followed by activating the Meridians. Needless to say, I had no clue what all this meant.

The session went much better than I had expected. It was more like an energy massage. After we finished, he gave me supplements I had to take everyday. Some of them had strange names I’ve never heard of before. They included: Cordyceps, Reishi Mushroom, Silenium, Pomegranate Extract, Vitamin C, Vitamin D3, and Omega 3.

He also gave me apricot seeds, which contain Vitamin B17 (a natural cure for cancer and prevents it), and told me to take 7 seeds a day.

Dr. Fahmy then asked me to go see Dr. Y, an alternative doctor and a homeopath he closely works with. He said he was going to measure my energy level and give me an energy session on a machine called Bicom.

Bicom Machine

The Bicom machine identifies normal and abnormal frequencies along with weaknesses in organs. The Bicom separates and filters healthy and unhealthy frequencies, inverting the unhealthy ones, strengthening them and returning them to the body as healthy frequencies.

I went to see Dr. Y right after my session with Dr. Fahmy. He measured my energy level with a specialized machine, which also detected imbalances or malfunctioning of the organs. To be honest, I don’t remember the specific results from that day, but I do remember that my energy level was very low.

He put me on the Bicom machine for half an hour and then I went home. Even though both sessions went well, all I could think of were all the restrictions I had.

I isolated myself from everyone. From that point on and for a very long time, I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I ignored almost all the phone calls, messages emails and posts I got from friends. I disappeared.

I had nothing to say to them because I was confused.

I threw it all on Dr. Fahmy when I realized that he had changed my life. Neither him nor my mother had ever forced me into any of this but I resented him for opening my eyes to all the things I didn’t want to see. I thought that ignorance would have been much easier and a lot less responsibility.

I didn’t want to see him the next day. I didn’t go to the session. I made my mother call him and tell him that I was feeling ill. He offered to help with whatever it was that I had, but there was nothing really. I just didn’t want to see him.

My mother was devastated this time because he had promised to relieve me of the pain I felt after chemotherapy. He said these sessions were going to help reduce the side effects. I didn’t care even if that were true. I insisted and told her that I wasn’t going to see him anymore, for the second time.

She called him and told him that I had changed my mind but he insisted that I pick up energy sheets that I should sit on during my chemo and others to stick onto the chemo bags.

I thought that was ridiculous. What was a piece of paper going to do?

I went to pick them up with my mom because I knew it would have made her feel better.

As usual, I couldn’t sleep well the night before my chemo session. I woke up the next day feeling tired and depressed. I went to the hospital for my 3rd session and as usual I had a blood sample taken before the chemotherapy.

Pre-chemo session #2 blood test

This time, Dr. M wasn’t happy with my results. My WBC count had dramatically decreased from 7,000 to 2,700 in 2 weeks, and my Hemoglobin had also dropped.

As most of us know, our white blood cells (leukocytes) are responsible for our immune system. Chemotherapy is a drug that attacks and kills the fastest growing cells in our body, which include our hair follicles and the WBC produced by our bone marrow.

A healthy person’s WBC count is anywhere between 4,000/5,000 to 10,000. If a person’s WBC count is below 4,000, he/she is facing a medical disorder called Leukopenia. Also, if a person’s count is above 30,000, this is an indicator of Leukemia.

My mother was furious at the results, especially that the doctor hadn’t given me any supplements to make up for the expected WBC and Hemoglobin drop.

She asked him to postpone my session in order for us to have time to improve my blood picture. He told her that she wasn’t a doctor and that it wasn’t a problem. He said he was going to add an extra day of Neupogen (please see Neupogen side effects), a shot I took for 3 days everyday, 24 hours after each session.

I didn’t really care about the results. I told my mom that I wanted to get it over with, but I asked my doctor to give me something that would help with the nausea. He said he would add an IV solution at the end of the session.

My mom sat me on the energy sheet and asked the doctor to stick the papers onto the chemo bags. He looked at her in sarcasm and so did I to be very honest. I wanted to disprove Dr. Fahmy.

I asked Dr. M if that was my last chemo session as agreed. I was devastated when he told me that I had 5 more to go before radiation!

I was confident that this wasn’t what he had said before.

I felt even more depressed. There was more chemo to come. More pain, more suffering, more harm!

Half way through the session, I realized that I didn’t feel the metallic taste in my mouth I felt every time. I thought that maybe the drugs were different this and didn’t have the same side effect. When the nurse walked in to change the chemo bag, I asked her if they were the same drugs from every time and she said yes.

I finished the session and I felt ok. I didn’t feel nauseous or tired. Dr. M told me to come back the next day for another solution for the nausea. I went home feeling very well. I was able to eat, drink and walk! I waited for all the side effects to show up but nothing happened! I chose to believe that it was the intravenous solution my doctor put at the end. I refused to believe that the energy paper and sheets had anything to do with the way I felt. I went to sleep that night anticipating the nausea.

When I woke up the next day, I realized that I was still feeling fine. The effect of any drug usually lasts up to 24 hours at most; it couldn’t have been the solution.

I went to see Dr. M for my Neupogen shot and he was surprised at the way I looked. I was able to walk normally, and I wasn’t feeling tired. I felt great!

The only problem I had was a vein infection in my left arm from chemo. It was a little swollen and it hurt.

After I took the shot, I went out for lunch with mom and then did some shopping. Only then, it had hit me that these sheets could have been the reason. It couldn’t have been a placebo effect, because I was very skeptical and didn’t think they would do anything, and the effect of the IV solution would only last up to 24 hours.

I started to realize that there was more truth in what Dr. Fahmy said. I still refused to admit it to my mom.

To be fair, the metallic taste came up a few days later but unaccompanied by the nausea and the other side effects. I felt tired after the 4th Neupogen shot (which has its own side effects), but it wasn’t the same kind fatigue I felt from chemo.

Even though I was feeling fine, I looked very ill. My mother could tell that there was something abnormal in the way I looked. Se thought a full blood picture would be a good idea.

I made a blood test and when it came out, the results were shocking.

Post Neupogen shot blood test

My WBC count was 27,700 this time. Closer to Leukemia. She immediately called Dr. M to ask him about the major count fluctuation.

He shouted at her for making such a decision without consulting him, which I think was ridiculous. Every mother has the right to care about her daughter in whichever way she chooses and what possible harm could a blood test do?

He told her that it was an effect of Neupogen and that it was normal, but it didn’t make sense to her. Neupogen is meant to boost the WBC count, but what if it sustains it at its highest level? What would happen then?

I researched the Neupogen side effects and this is what I found:

“A study released Wednesday suggests there’s an increased risk of leukemia in breast cancer patients who take drugs to get a boost in white blood cell growth in order to tolerate more aggressive chemotherapy treatments, leading to some speculation about Amgen’s Neulasta and Neupogen.” (For the full article please visit: http://www.redherring.com/Home/21169)

When my mother told me, I was furious! I started researching chemotherapy and what it does to the body. Everything I read was terrifying! Something inside me told me that chemo was going to kill me. I felt so violated after everything I had read. Only then, I understood the true cause of my father’s death.

On the bright side, there was so much hope in the information I learned about all the natural cures and different treatment options for cancer. I started to realize that the pharmaceutical industry was nothing but a mafia!

I posted a trailer to a documentary called ‘The Forbidden Cures’ on my fb wall. I thought it was shocking.

Dina, one of my best friends, called me right after she saw the trailer. She wanted to know what I had in mind and I knew that she would be one of the very few people who would actually understand how I felt. I talked to her and told her that I was considering stopping chemo. She was extremely supportive to my surprise; she didn’t have the slightest doubt that it could have been the wrong decision.

It felt so good to receive this kind of support especially on such a controversial decision. She called me back a few minutes later and told me that her mom had ordered ‘Knockout’, a wonderful book written by Suzanne Somers.

Thanks to Kimmy (Dina’s mom), this book became my backbone!

In this book, she interviews doctors who are curing cancer.

Most of the interviewed doctors do not use any chemotherapy or chemicals. They are curing cancer without chemo! The book also exposes the Food and Drug Association (FDA) and the pharmaceutical industry, which work together to generate billions of dollars a year, especially off ‘the cancer business’.

I also read that, Tamoxifen, one of the drugs used to prevent the recurrence of breast cancer, increases the risk of developing uterine cancer by 30%.

I asked Dr. M about this shocking piece of information; he told me that ‘unfortunately’, I had to take it in my next chemo cycle.

No I wasn’t!

He thought it was unfortunate, but why do I HAVE to take it?

I now had my mind made up and not because I was afraid of chemo, but because I was 100% against it after what I read.

I told my mom that I was going to quit chemo and that I was going to cure myself alone (still refusing to see Dr. F).

After everything she had read about chemo, she couldn’t force me into poisoning myself, but at the same time, she was very concerned. She was worried because I needed to at least follow up with Dr. F if I were to make such a decision, but she knew how I felt about it.

It was time for my follow up scan. I had to get a breast ultra sound and possibly another mammogram. I got my scan done and received the results on the spot.

One of the tumors had shrunk by around 1cm and the other 2 remained the same.

11 days after my post Neupogen blood test

I also took a blood test to monitor my WBC count and it had gone down to 2000! From 7.0 to 2.7, up to 27.0 and down to 2.0?

How exhausting could this process be for the body?

It was now time for my appointment with Dr. M.

I was really nervous because I was about to break the news to him. I wasn’t going to do chemotherapy anymore.

Something important I had failed to mention before was that I really loved Dr. M. He was the only oncologist I felt comfortable with and I could tell how much he cared about me and how attentive he was to my case. I’m sure he was like this with all his patients, but it just shows how amazing of a person he was. He frequently called to check up on me after chemotherapy and he always made sure to personally follow up on my sessions, which most oncologists fail to do these days.

I even remember this one time I was too tired to go take the Neupogen shot at the hospital. He waited for me until I went, even though he had travel plans and had to delay them for me.

I felt very sad that I had to upset him with such a decision, but I had no other choice. As an oncologist, I didn’t expect him to understand where I was coming from. Due to the nature of his job and everything he’s learned over the many years, it would be almost impossible to convince him otherwise.

I walked into his clinic feeling extremely anxious. I sat on the chair, gave him my scan and then told him that I was no longer convinced with orthodox medicine and that I wanted to stop chemotherapy.

He was stunned. He gave me a look that indicated how crazy he thought I was.

His reaction was a lot worse than I had expected. He told me I was stupid and that stopping chemotherapy would not be an option. He said he wasn’t going to let me. I argued back and told him that I had faith in other options and that it was a personal decision that even my mom was not involved in.

He told me that I was going to die of cancer if I stopped chemo, and that it would be a very quick death.

He said that I wouldn’t even have the time to explore other options, but here I am!

As soon as he said this, I stopped arguing and gave him the Suzanne Somers book. I begged him to read it. He looked at it sarcastically and told me that he was going to read it but meanwhile, he wanted me to continue with treatment.

I asked him to give me full details about the treatment process he had planned.

He said I was going to go through 5 more chemo sessions, and then radiation, and then surgery, and then he would put me on hormonal treatment for 2 years.

The hormonal treatment was new to me. Shocking. He had never mentioned anything about it before.

He said he would put me on menopause for 2 years and after that, I wasn’t allowed to give birth for another 5 years or else my tumor could come back.

I wasn’t going to be able to give birth anyway, infertility was a 99% chance!

Everything he said combined with the fact that he said I was going to die was horrifying.

He told me to come to the hospital the next day and that he wasn’t going to force me into chemo. He just wanted to discuss this further.

That night was one of the worst nights since my diagnosis. I couldn’t have been more confused after everything he said. Something inside me kept telling me to ignore him and I did.

I went to the hospital the next day. I could tell that he really thought he could talk me into chemo. When I realized how pointless it was to argue again, I told him that I wasn’t psychologically prepared for the session and that I needed more time. He gave me another week off.

My mom could tell that I had my mind set, and that nothing in the world could have changed my decision, but I could tell that she was still worried.

To make her feel better, I decided to go see Dr. F and possibly start a new page. I felt that I needed him this time because I was now on my own.

We went to see him the next day and I told him about my decision to stop chemo. He wasn’t surprised. He asked about what I was planning on doing and I told him that I was going to cure myself. He could tell that I was intentionally being very cocky and over confident.

He asked about how I planned to do that, and I told him I was going to use the Internet… lol (Not that that’s impossible, but it’s always more comforting to have someone guide you throughout your healing process, especially someone with that amount of knowledge)

He talked to me about things I should do to promote my healing. He suggested that we do energy sessions, but again, just as soon as we started, I decided to break up with him for the millionth time!

I still didn’t know what it was that I had against him.

I told him that I didn’t like the energy sessions because they were long and boring and that I would prefer to continue with the nutritional side of treatment.

For the first time, he looked really sad. He genuinely wanted to do anything to help but I wouldn’t let him. He was supposed to travel back to the UK weeks ago, but he postponed all his travel plans to treat me.

He gave me advice on what to do to cure myself. He said that he was going to follow up with me and do distant healing, and that I should contact him if I needed anything. There was nothing more he could do because I wouldn’t let him. He also gave me a couple of books to read that he said would be helpful.

Dr. Fahmy went back to the UK 3 days later. I continued to see Dr. Y and Dr. Manal for energy sessions.

A week had passed, and it was time for my chemo session again.

The day of the session, Dr. M called my mom to ask where I was. She told him that I was still insisting on stopping chemo. He asked to speak to me but I refused. I felt really bad but I didn’t want to hear all the negative things he had to say. I was already depressed.

I sent him a long sms saying that I appreciated everything he had done for me and that I had faith in what I was doing. I told him that I would visit him soon with promising results. He replied with ‘Good luck’ and disappeared ever since.

I was still depressed and isolated from everyone. I had faith that I could cure myself but I needed Dr. Fahmy’s support.

I finally realized what it was that I had against him.

Dr. Fahmy opened my eyes to everything I needed to see. Discovering all the scary, negative things about orthodox medicine was very hard to deal with. It was too much for me to comprehend. I blamed him for my own confusion and for my personal struggle.

At some point I was torn between my love and loyalty to Dr. M and the strong belief that chemotherapy was not a cure and that I needed to stop. I didn’t want to upset him.

I was only able to make that decision when I put myself first.

I’ve been off chemo since 18th of April 2011. I can feel my tumors shrinking and I’m still alive! :)

My hair hasn’t started to grow back yet but my eyebrows and eyelashes have!

Dr. Fahmy has been away for almost a month now. I’ve been following up with him via email and doing everything he had asked me to do. I also see Dr. Manal and Dr. Y almost everyday for energy sessions.

I suddenly started enjoying a new lifestyle I never thought I would enjoy. Letting go of all the trivial components of my life was a lot easier than I had expected. It all came naturally after I had adjusted everything else. I eat, drink and sleep healthy, and I do yoga in the mornings. I’m constantly surrounded by beautiful people. What more can anyone want?

Dr. Fahmy is coming back next week and I’ve decided to continue with him. I actually miss him! I believe I have a lot to learn from him and much more to experience!

I would advise everyone to watch the below documentary. You will find the rest of the parts on youtube. ‘A World Without Cancer’ contains shocking information about the Big Pharma and explains the history of ‘scientific arrogance’. It also points out natural ways to cure and prevent cancer.

Advertisements

Part 3 Introduction

I would like to thank all my family and friends for the immense wave of love and support I’ve been overwhelmed with. I love you. You mean the world to me! I would also like to express how happy and lucky I am to have met so many wonderful people along the way. I never thought such an experience would bring me closer to people and open a door to beautiful friendships. I am truly grateful to have been blessed with such loving and inspiring people, and that is enough reason for me to keep fighting with everlasting power and strength!

Thank you Rowan El Shimi for helping me design and set up my blog! I had no clue! I love you!

As I have mentioned in my previous post, my chemo sessions were 2 weeks apart. I tried to make the best out of the ‘nausea-free’ days I had in between. I carried on with my regular lifestyle, which had recently included much partying and staying up late with friends. I ended up feeling sick every single time. I was getting weaker by the day but I still refused to admit it to myself, and kept ignoring the signals my body sent out.

I was also starting to feel depressed, not because of my illness, but because of how much it was taking over my life. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Even when friends asked, I tried to be as brief as I could. I lived each day dreading the next session.

Thinking about the nausea instantly made me nauseous and it still does till this day!

I was too passive to consider supplements and healthy nutrition. I thought it was useless since chemo destroys everything anyway. What possible good would a drop water do to a dead plant? Nothing. I knew how toxic chemo was and I was convinced that no good/natural substance would survive in a pool of toxins.

Even when I asked my doctor if there was any kind of food or substance I had to remove from or add to my diet, he told me that I was allowed to eat and drink absolutely anything, including soft drinks and junk. My mother even asked if there were any supplements I had to take, but he didn’t recommend anything in specific. The only thing he recommended was a spoon or 2 of molasses honey a day, in order to make up for the possible hemoglobin loss in my blood from chemo.

On the bright side, my lump was shrinking. I was responding to chemo. We were all really happy to see promising results in relatively little time.

We were all under the impression that the 3rd chemo session was going to be my last. We were relieved! My treatment was scheduled to be as follows: 3 chemo sessions, radiation and then surgery (even though surgery wasn’t part of the plan in the beginning).

Four days before my ‘last’ session, my uncle’s wife from Kuwait called my mom and told her that she knew someone in Egypt who could help. She said he was a Reiki master who’s had experience with similar cases. My mother asked if I was interested and I thought to myself, why not? I have a friend who’s a Reiki practitioner and she’s cured my headaches before.

Reiki is meant to stabilize and balance the energy fields in our body. It helps maintain a healthy energy flow, which is believed to promote healing and clear energy blockages in main energy centers in our body called chakras. It’s based on the idea that an unseen ‘life force energy’ flows through our body. If this energy is low, we are more likely to get sick, and if it is high, we are capable of being healthier.

Our bodies may seem solid, but if we magnify the cells, molecules, and atoms of which we are composed of, we would see that at the most basic level we are made up of subtle energy fields.

Anyway, my mother called Dr. W right away. She had a very long conversation with him about my case. They discussed my diagnosis, treatment and progress. He told her that personally, he was incapable of providing this kind of help for such a disease, but referred a colleague who specialized in this field. He said he wasn’t sure if his friend would have the time to help as he is traveling most of the time and treats only critical cases referred to him by family or close friends. Dr. W was nice enough to call up a favor on Dr. F and I truly thank him for that. He said he was going to call him and get back to my mother as soon as he received an answer.

My mom found so much hope in everything Dr. W said. She didn’t tell me the details of the conversation but I could tell that she was happy. I was happy to see her happy.

She anxiously waited for the phone call, hoping that Dr. F would take up my case and agree to help. Dr. W finally called back later in the evening, he told her that he spoke to Dr. F and that he would like to speak with her about my case.

My mother called Dr. F as soon as she hung up, but he didn’t answer. She felt very sad and disappointed. I didn’t understand why she had so much faith in someone she’s never met. It was probably a mother’s gut feeling, which fortunately (and unfortunately sometimes :D) is always right!

Dr. F called back later at night when I was out with my friends. He told my mother that he used very strict treatment protocols with his patients and that he had to get an approval from me before we proceeded. Otherwise, it was pointless.

When my mom told me about the conversation she had with Dr. F, I was confused. I couldn’t think of the kind of protocol he would want me to follow. I assumed he was a Reiki master like Dr. W. All I could think of were energy exercises and meditation. I was interested to hear what he had to say, so my mother and I went to see him the next day.

I had imagined him to be a psychic or some sort of witch doctor for absolutely no reason (even though Reiki has nothing to do with psychic powers or abilities). At the same time, I imagined he would look like the gurus we hear about and see in movies. In my head, he was a tall man in his 40’s, very fair and all dressed in white.

Obviously, the image I had of him had absolutely nothing to do with who or what he did in reality.

Our appointment was at 10am, which meant that I had to wake up at 8:30 in order to get there on time. That alone was enough torture for me as I was used to sleeping really late and waking up no earlier than noon.

I woke up, had my coffee and shower, got dressed, put on my wig and left the house. My mom and I managed to get there on time. We sat in the waiting area for a couple of minutes before he personally welcomed us into his office.

He seemed like a nice man but as soon as I laid eyes on him, I could tell that we weren’t going to get along, at least for that time. I didn’t know why, but I knew it.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Part 2: My Diagnosis, Chemotherapy & Hair Loss

A couple of months before the 13th of March, I felt a lump in my breast. I knew I had to get it checked, but I had a feeling that it was going to bring me bad news. I looked up breast cancer symptoms and the information I read kind of confirmed my case.

I didn’t want to tell my mom before I saw a doctor, because I didn’t want to worry her until I was certain.

On the 12th of March, I was speaking to a friend on the phone and I told her about my lump. She insisted that she should take me to an oncologist on the same day and so she did.

On the way there, I felt very nervous. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the possible “what if’s”. Millions of different scenarios kept running through my head. I felt a little better when we walked into the doctor’s clinic. He was a very nice and pleasant man, probably in his late 40’s or early 50’s. I didn’t get the negative vibe I usually get from doctors. He seemed to be very caring and attentive, unlike most doctors who’ve become merely human technicians.

He welcomed us into his clinic and had a bit of a chat with us before he examined my lump.

Dr. M asked about my age. When I told him I was 23, he looked at me and said “23? You have nothing to worry about! You start worrying about these things when you’re over 30, but let’s get it checked.”.

As he was examining the lump, I could tell by the look on his face that there was something wrong. He asked me if I had by any chance bumped my breast into something. My obvious answer was no (even the clumsiest person is probably incapable of doing that).

I asked him if there was something suspicious. He couldn’t give me a straight answer, but he asked me to get a breast ultra sound and a mammogram, and return to him no later than the next day. At that point, I knew that it was only a matter of time before the bad news came my way.

I woke up the next morning and went to get my scans done. I picked them up a few hours later right before my doctor’s appointment and there it said ‘BIRADS 5‘ on the report, but I couldn’t understand anything else.

The friend who had come with me the day before couldn’t make it on time to my doctor’s appointment. Another friend came along. We walked into the clinic and my doctor took a look at the report. He looked at me and asked if Dina was my relative. I told him that she was my bestfriend. He nicely asked her to leave the room for a couple of minutes.

He told me that I probably had cancer but kept reassuring that I had nothing to worry about. He also told me that there was a 5% chance that the tumor was benign. Honest to God, he didn’t scare me and was able to contain my fear before it surfaced. I had nothing to say. I had no questions. I couldn’t cry. Again, I was in shock. The same kind of shock I was in when my father died. I wasn’t even sure if I was scared. I felt very numb for a while.

He asked me to get a biopsy done immediately. I’m sure he had already known the result, but didn’t want me to live on false hope, even if it was for just one night. And so he referred a pathologist and I did the biopsy.

I got a tentative result on the spot. The pathologist confirmed my carcinoma.

Only 2 nights before my diagnosis, I was out having fun with my friends and now I’m being faced with a life threatening disease. Too many decisions had to be made. Too many people had to be informed. I kept thinking about my mom. I didn’t know what to tell her. I was too worried that she would break down.

It was all happening too fast.

I still couldn’t ask any questions. My friends (whom I thank very much for their support) could tell that I was completely zoned out, so they started asking all the obvious questions. They specifically asked about the stage of my carcinoma and the type of treatment. They even asked about the possibility of hair loss from chemotherapy.

Only when they started asking all these questions, everything suddenly hit me.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know when and how I should tell my mom.

I called my psychiatrist when I got to Dina’s house and he asked me to wait before I told her anything. Meanwhile, he referred a doctor whom he said he trusted very much. I went to see him the next day and that was probably one of the worst days in my life.

He was a typical doctor. Same vibe I got from almost all of them. He took a look at the report and examined my lump and then casually told me that I had to get a mastectomy within a week at most. I didn’t know what ‘mastectomy‘ meant. When I was at the pathology lab, Dr. M called the pathologist and emphasized that he had no intention to put me through surgery at this age. He said that I was going to do chemotherapy for a few months and then I’m done.

When he explained what a mastectomy was, I broke out in tears for the first time since my diagnosis. I told him that it wasn’t what my oncologist had in mind. He kept trying to convince me that chemotherapy prior to surgery is ineffective and that it would be a complete waste of health and energy. According to him, I had to operate eventually.

I waited for him to finish what he had to say and dashed out of his clinic in fury. I was frightened, angry and sad. I refused to believe him and I’m glad I didn’t.

To cut a long story short, I saw almost 6 doctors altogether. All in one week. They all said the same thing with different approaches. All the oncologists suggested chemo prior to surgery and the surgeons suggested the other way around.

A few days later I told my mom and I thank God that it went much better than I expected. She was shocked just like me, but didn’t break down. It took her a while to absorb the fact that her daughter was being faced with a life-threatening illness, but she stayed strong.

I eventually decided to proceed with treatment with Dr. M. My mom and I went to see him at his clinic and he scheduled my first chemo session for the next day (21st of March). Of course, I asked him about the nausea during and after chemo. He told me that the type of chemo drug I was going to take will not cause these side effects. I felt relieved.

The weekend before I was diagnosed

The only thing he asked me to do to prepare for chemo was to cut my hair as short as I can in order to avoid hair loss. Apparently the shorter the hair, the more resistant it is to chemo. I had very long hair back then, half way through my back. I really didn’t want to cut it but he kept insisting that I should. He also told me that I should look at wigs just in case my hair eventually falls out. I didn’t look much into what he said, I really didn’t think I would lose my hair, but I still cut my hair to stay on the safe side.

I couldn’t sleep all night. I wasn’t scared especially after Dr. M told me that I will not be experiencing the horrible side effects I read about, but I was anticipating. I still didn’t know what to expect. I’m not afraid of needles, so that was a good thing.

I got dressed when it was time to leave the house. On the way to the hospital with my mom and her friend, I kept thinking about my father. I kept thinking about how weak and helpless he looked during chemo and how painful it was.

They checked me into a room as soon as we got to the hospital. I had a blood sample taken right before the session in order to make sure that I was fit for chemo.

The blood test came out half an hour later and Dr. M was happy with the results.

He personally inserted the cannula into my left arm. He told me that we were going to use this arm because we will not be able to use it after surgery. I didn’t know I was going to operate eventually. He had told the pathologist that I will not be operating. For some reason, I still didn’t ask.

I stayed for around 3 hours in the hospital. I didn’t feel anything during the session. I was only sleepy because I hadn’t slept since the night before.

I went home and slept right away. I woke up in the evening soaking with sweat, even though it was really cold. I still felt really happy because I felt ok. I didn’t feel nauseated or tired. I took a shower and went to see a friend. When I came back home, I started to feel tired. I thought that it was lack of sleep, so I slept it off. I woke up the next morning with horrible nausea. I could barely walk and I certainly couldn’t eat. Even a sip of water made me want to throw up. I felt so helpless and that was when I called Dr. M. He told me to take a pill of Zofran, which is apparently a ‘breakthrough’ medicine in the world of cancer. It didn’t help. I called him again a few hours later and told him that I was still feeling really sick. There was obviously nothing he could do. Those were the normal chemo side effects. I continued feeling ill for 4 days. I was really snappy all the time. I had lost almost 3 kilos in just 4 days.

On the 5th day, I started feeling normal again. My appetite was back and I had a bit more energy. I went back to my normal life and continued seeing my friends and going out. I wasn’t scared or depressed. I just dreaded chemo. I also resented my oncologist for lying to me about the side effects. He didn’t prepare me. I wasn’t ready.

The day before my second cycle (2 weeks apart from the first session), I started noticing thick strands of my hair falling out. I had hair on my pillow, on the bed, on the floor, in the bathtub. My hair was everywhere. With the amount of hair falling out, I could tell that I was going to bald in a week at most. That was also something Dr. M hadn’t warned me about.

When I asked him about it the next day during my session, he urged me to buy a wig before I completely lost all of it. At that point, I had made peace with the fact that I’m going to lose my hair. It was inevitable.

I felt sick during the session. Half way through, I started feeling a metallic taste in my mouth. It was horrible. Nothing would make it go away. I tried sucking on lollipops, chewing gums, crackers… But nothing helped.

The nausea was terrible. I felt sick for 9 days this time.  It was only then that I could relate to what my father felt. I moaned in pain all night. My mother was heartbroken and helpless because there was nothing she could do.

I knew I had to stay strong in order to make it. I had to accept what I was going through. I’ve always known that chemotherapy destroys the body. I knew that it was a painful process but I thought it cured cancer.

On the 6th day, I forced myself to go get my head shaved even though I was really tired. It was starting to look ridiculous. That day, I went in to shower and walked out with an empty patch in the middle of my head and a receded hairline. My mom advised me to keep it and cover it with the rest of my hair, but psychologically, I couldn’t. I knew it was going to fall out completely and I hated this kind of anticipation. My mom took to me to buy a wig first, and then took me to the hairdresser. I couldn’t really look at myself in the mirror when the guy was shaving my head. It felt very weird. As soon as he was done, I put on my wig and went back home. I wasn’t a skin head yet, but only a few days later, the rest of the small hair fell out.

Before I lost the shadow

Even though I had bought a wig, I preferred to go out with my shaved head. I didn’t mind it. I thought I should make the best out of it. And of course, when I felt like having hair, I put on my wig. Even when I was buying it, I didn’t care if it looked natural, because I knew I wasn’t going to use it much. I must say it has been very amusing watching people’s reactions.

In my next post I will discuss what happened on my 3rd session and why I decided to go for alternative treatment. I will also discuss why chemotherapy is not considered a cure. It is actually believed to kill more than cancer.

Part 1: Chemotherapy Killed My Father

Given that I’m an only child who came after 10 years of marriage, I’ve always held a very special place in my family’s heart.

My father was a scientist/inventor. He was an intelligent, kind, loving, and hardworking man, who did everything within and beyond his power to make his family and loved ones happy.

My father was diagnosed with lung and bone cancer in 2001. He did 3 chemotherapy sessions and died only 1 month later due to sudden Septicemia.

At the time, I went to school in Dubai, and my father was receiving treatment in Cairo. He had just completed a chemo session and his doctor (one of the most renowned oncologists in Egypt), gave him permission to fly back to Dubai the next day.

I hadn’t seen him in almost a month since I had last visited. At the first glimpse at the airport, I could tell he was very ill. He was on a wheelchair and had lost half his weight. He looked exhausted and could barely speak.

My father had always been a very strong man. Even at the peak of his illness, he never gave up or showed any sign of worry or fear. He laughed it off, made jokes about it and made us really believe that he was ok. He ALWAYS had a smile on his face.

However, that day at the airport was different. It was heartbreaking. Chemotherapy had destroyed him. Even though he tried really hard to pretend he was fine, there was too much to hide underneath that beautiful smile.

On the way back from the airport, all I could think about was how much I wanted my father back. I couldn’t bare seeing him so weak and helpless.

When we got home, I went to sleep next to him. I could hear him moaning in pain all night. Unable to relate at the time, I kept trying to imagine what kind of pain he felt, but of course it was impossible. I was agonized by his suffering and worse, there was nothing I could do to make it go away.

He felt slightly better in the morning. He was able to walk around the house and sounded much better.

Towards the end of the day, we noticed rash-like red spots spreading on his arms.

His state started to deteriorate very quickly. He started sweating, and felt very faint. He couldn’t bring himself to move.

My mother immediately called a doctor friend, who was also our neighbor. He rushed over to our house, and as soon as he saw my dad, he said that he needed to be transferred to the hospital at once. I knew something had went terribly wrong.

For some reason, my father wouldn’t let me go with them. He knew he wasn’t going to make it and he didn’t want me to witness his death.

As soon as they reached the hospital, he was immediately admitted to intensive care, but there wasn’t much the doctors could have done. He died a few minutes later.

It was a shock to all of us.

The doctors in Egypt said that he was responding to chemo and that he was making significant progress.

If that were true, what went wrong?

Back then, I was too shocked to question his death. I was also too young. Deep down, I knew something went terribly wrong but I couldn’t pin point the source of this feeling.

For some reason, I completely blocked out the true cause of his death (Septicemia). I chose to believe that it was cancer that killed him. I believed that Septicemia was only a result of his illness. It was easier.

This went on for several years until I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer on the 13th of March of this year.